You asked the Mominatrix – and she answered!

As you know, yesterday I had the privilege of interviewing Kristen Chase, the author of The Mominatrix’s Guide to Sex – A sex advice book for naughty moms. We had a great conversation before the Moms Going Out event at Finale in Brookline.

During our conversation, which will air on this week’s show, Kristen answered some of your questions. But, of course, we couldn’t get to all of them. So, the Mominatrix took some time this morning to answer a few more…

How do I convince DH that midnight – 4:00 AM is NOT the most ideal time. I call him “Captain Midnight” because that is the ONLY TIME intimacy ever happens for us – when he wakes me up from a dead sleep. I don’t want to always say no to Cap’n M (I often do say no) because then our sex life would cease to exist. Any time I try to initiate at more appropriate (and less exhausting) times, he seems more interested in the sports highlights, his book, an app on his iPhone, blah-de-blah! -Lori

The Mominatrix says…
I actually happen to be Mistress Midnight around my place, so your husbands and I are kindred spirits, ladies, at least when it comes to sex, anyway.

Now, I recently read a study about men and women’s sexual desire, and it’s actually biologically different, and extremely hard (if not impossible) to synch up.

So in order to fight back against the whole “Venus/Mars” thing, you might want to consider scheduling sex at a reasonable hour. Perhaps in the evening, but not too late so that you’re dead to the world already, and not too early where he’s still engrossed in ESPN highlights. It might not be the most romantic solution, but if you know that the date is coming, so you can better prepare.

Also, I find that wives, when using the right tools (ahem), can be pretty convincing. So if you’re in the mood, use it to your advantage and send super strong signals. It might take him awhile, but at some point, he will get the message and realize it’s way more fun when you’re actually alive to the world while you’re doing it.

How do you get in the mood? I have zero libido and it just isn’t fun or good anymore. It definitely does not feel the same since having a baby. TSG

The Mominatrix says…
I know many women think the only thing they leave at the hospital is some extra water weight and the lovely mesh underpants, but sadly, it’s often their libido that takes a little hiatus as well. It’s completely normal to lose some or all of your libido after having a baby.

Take some time to figure out what’s going on to make your libido stay in hiding – are you having pain, are you tired, is it boring, are you too busy (the list goes on). Kristin brings up medication, which can be a complete libido blaster as well.

Once you have a sense of what’s hindering you, then you’re more likely to be able to solve the issue. Motherhood is not inherently sexy, and if you’re in the thrawls of babydom, it can be extremely difficult to find your mojo amidst the drool covered shirts and 4000 diapers. If your kids are older, you’re probably super busy playing taxi driver so when you do have a chance to sit still, you want to be doing so on a comfortable chair and not on top of your husband.

If you are committed to making a sex a priority, you might want to try my 30 Day Sexual Resolution. It’s a list of 30 sexually related assignments that range from wearing a thong, to taking a shower together, to reading an erotic romance novel. They’re all small things to help YOU reconnect with your own sexuality. I had a bunch of moms join me for January with some fantastic results.

Sometimes it takes a little playing with matches to get the fire burning again.